I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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