I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
