i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
