I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
