My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
