his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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