he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I want her autograph on my taint
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
