I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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