Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
