I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
