i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
