I puked a lego.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
