i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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