Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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