I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
