If that was your dad, he is hot
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
