Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
