I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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