Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize