Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize