what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
