Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
