Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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