I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
