So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
