Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
