i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
