I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
