dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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