he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
