My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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