WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize