he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
