I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
