I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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