Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My cat gives me a boner
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
