jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
