Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize