Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
