Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she smelled like a LAN party
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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