I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
