shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
