Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
