If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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