Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
