I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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