just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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