I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
In America we eat man semen.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
