Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
