It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
