I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
