If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
