No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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