Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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