He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
