We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
