the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
