just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
