What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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