Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
