Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
