I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
