i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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