It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
