Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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