Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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