Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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