things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
