I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
