Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
