Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize