What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
this is an emotional support booty call
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
