wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize