I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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