You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
