mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
