CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize