ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
