this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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