why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
