The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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