I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
