the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
