If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
