Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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