I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
as a side note pls kill me
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