tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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